Are you stuck in a difficult, empty or even toxic relationship? Perhaps you have been toying with this question for years but you never quite find the definitive answer to shift firmly one way or another.
Several Key Questions to Determine if Your Escape Plan is Ground in Fact or Fantasy:
- Is your relationship disconnected and tumultuous all the time?
- Do you feel competitive with your partner in terms of wanting power or control over them?
- Is your partner a leading priority in your life or do you let children, family, friends or work get the biggest slice of your time and attention?
- Are you lonely because your spouse is not your first port of call in good and bad times?
- Have you envisioned and even mapped out a ‘future’ life?
Social psychology research has proven that certain factors become major influencers in the decision to stay: familiarity, security, finances, effort, embarrassment, However, there is also body of opposing factors which compel people to leave: difficult personality traits, infidelity, financial instability, poor intimacy/affection, emotional disconnection.
Ambivalence, fear and uncertainty run high when deciding to dissolve a marriage or long-term partnership. Often individuals or couples will benefit from discussing all the key factors and their implications with a trained professional who can help reduce the constant swaying of commitment to a course of action. As part of this process, you will need to better understand the toxic patterns of the past in both your family and romantic relationships. Furthermore, you most definitely need to understand the chosen path which brought you to right now – the current state of your relationship. While your counsellor will never tell you to end your marriage, they will support you to reveal the answers which you, most likely, already know.
It will be a tough path to separate lives – way before assets – especially when children are involved. Many people balk at the setting of boundaries which is a crucial first step. How do I stop relying on the person who has been my go-to for 5,10, 20 years? How am I meant to not care what my spouse is doing going forward?
The ‘go or stay’ decision is multi-faceted, emotional and complicated. Please connect with our counselling team if you are genuinely committed to uncovering real, sustainable answers which will undoubtedly require some deep reflection, personal upskilling, open-mindedness and a good dose of personal transformation.
