Are you considering or currently going through a Separation or Divorce?
Feeling confused, emotional, overwhelmed or alone?
Wanting to try and avoid the Family Court and expensive traditional legal costs?
With a background in law, counselling, psychology and coaching we have the skills and
the resources to work with you to help you emotionally and confidently get through
this challenging time, feeling educated, organised, prepared and genuinely able to thrive beyond.
Book a time with us now to discuss how we can help. xx
BOOK AN ONLINE APPOINTMENT
with our experienced
Separation/Divorce Counsellor and Coach
LISTEN TO THE PODCASTS
'Keeping it Real with Susan & Friends'
buy the ultimate divorce planner
If you are considering Separation, we can help you carefully plan and provide you with the support you need all the way.
Our clients describe the Planner as 'a hug throughout it all'
It will step you through the options, provide effective checklists, explain legal jargon, provide important communication strategies and tips, guidance on providing help for the children, financial negotiations and tips, strategies to remain safe and help you get back on your feet and space to add evidence and a years worth of diary entries to help you recall things more easily.
Understand your legal options during separation and divorce
Develop a separation plan to help you feel organised, educated and empowered through the process
Ensure you have a safe exit strategy and can remain safe
Learn how to communicate with your spouse and children about separating
Understand how to protect your assets and secure your finances before separating
Record all your evidence and important dates and appointments in one place
Get organised with the practical and easy to follow checklists on what to prepare, what to locate and disclose
Self care strategies and wellness tips
enrol in the ultimate divorce course
Feeling confused? Do you need help understanding what to do next?
We've Got You!
This is one of the most comprehensive, easy to follow, practical and best value for money courses available in Australia. It has been carefully written by lawyers, mediators, psychologists, wellness experts and financiers to help you all the way.
Thousands of dollars worth of expert advice presented in an empathetic, organised, easy to follow way, which you can do at your own pace.
Dealing with the emotional challenges of separation and divorce for you and the kids
How to co-parent with your former partner
Strategies for dealing with different personalities in families
Understand what it means legally to be separated and what to expect during separation
Understand your legal options to reach financial property and/or parenting arrangements and how to minimise your costs along the way
Create a comprehensive separation plan which is easy to follow and helps you feel more organised and in control
What documents do you need to locate, secure, disclose? or get from the other party?
Child and spousal support options
Guidance on legal document preparation
Budgeting and financial guidance
Prepare for mediation or trial, if required
How to deal with domestic violence concerns and safe exit planning
Counselling, coaching and communication strategies
Wellness and self care help
enrol in the Financial wellness Course
This exceptional course will help you gain a really practical and valuable understanding of banking, superannuation, budgeting, your financial position, how to keep your finances secure, how to ensure you get a fair financial settlement and financial planning for the future.
Get financial and legal expert advice and improve your long term financial position in order to better protect your future.
Brought to you by Separation Support Network &
award-winning financial adviser Helen Baker
The easy to follow, practical and comprehensive guide to help you get it all together during your Separation, Divorce and beyond.
This is also a wonderful gift suggestion for anyone looking to support a family member or friend through separation/divorce. Each planner also comes with a small gift.
Thousands of dollars worth of advice for only $89.95 including postage within Australia.
(This version was updated in June 2024)
What do I do next to get help?
No matter where you are in the separation or divorce stage, we understand how hard it is, and we are here to support you. You are not alone.
We help reduce the stress by providing you with the education and practical guidance you need to understand all the options available to you.
We also carefully listen to you on what you want to do, to move forward. If you would like to arrange an online 30-minute complimentary mini session we can discuss where you are at and what help you feel you need, at your stage in the process. This just requires a Zoom connection.
We will be honest about what we can do to assist you to get the best outcome, and give you a firm understanding of the costs associated with the help. It will not be a sales pitch from us.
If you decide to proceed with Separation Support Network, you are welcome to book a PAID one-on-one confidential consultation with one of our highly trained senior separation support personnel. The first appointment will require a new client form to be completed and returned, to help us gain a better understanding of your position and to not waste your precious time.
As seen in our testimonials, we are renowned for having excellent relationships with our clients and are very conscious of providing quality, affordable services, all the way.
We take great pride in ensuring that every one of our service providers have your best interests at heart, emotionally and financially. Our motto is ‘providing our clients with a hug all the way.’
Why should I use Separation Support Network instead of going to a traditional law firm?
Separation Support Network provides one-on-one support to guide you through the entire separation and divorce process. We provide counselling support, help you navigate the immediate practical steps of your separation, listen to your unique circumstances, outline your options and recommend the services you need. We also provide help long term through your separation and divorce journey to reach your longer term goals.
We do have a panel of lawyers who can assist, if and when required, but we work with you to avoid legal costs as much as possible by helping you understand all your options, assist you to gather your documentation and evidence, draft your proposed terms, and coordinate other specialist support if required to support your position. This helps avoid a lot of the initial outlays you would normally experience in a law firm, which often charge very high legal costs, per hour, for their time. It also helps you avoid a lot of time, stress and frustration.
Once legal matters are resolved by traditional firms, our clients report they often feel a sense of confusion and concern about what comes next - on how to actually co-parent and fulfill the parenting obligations, how to deal with the financial arrangements that were agreed upon, where to obtain the necessary financial education to manage your settlement, and how to secure your financial future. There is often the need to get help to change other key legal and financial documents, strategies to assist with co-parenting and communication with former partners, sorting the sale of assets, access to counselling for the family, finding a new career or a plan on how to start the next chapter of life. Separation Support Network can walk beside you through all of this. We help you find the care you need and work collaboratively with a team who can assist.
Our aim is to ensure our clients are safe, emotionally supported all the way, personally educated and empowered to make their own decisions, and ultimately achieve a fair and equitable settlement, suitable parenting arrangement and successful future.
What range of support can you offer me?
The most common things said to us over the years by our clients:
"I am so confused about what to do next, where to get the help I need and who to trust."
"I can't work out what financial documents I even need to access and what I have to disclose ."
"I worked all my life to save and secure my superannuation and now we are going to destroy it with all the ongoing legal bills."
"I was a good parent and we had a great relationship but now I just can't reconnect with them."
We hear you!
Separation Support Network is essentially a one stop service network where you no longer need to spend countless hours finding the resources, locating kind and supportive care, legal and financial expertise, all at an affordable rate.
We work alongside incredibly experienced, supportive specialists who share our values in making the separation and divorce process more amicable, more empowering, more supportive and more affordable.
Mediators
Psychologists and counsellors
Parent assist programmes
Empower programmes
Lawyers
Domestic Violence support
Financial Planners and Advisors
Property Valuers including farming valuers
Banking advice
Business and Company valuers
Forensic Accounting and IT
Private Investigators
Accountants
Mortgage Brokers
Business brokers
Conveyancing and Will and Estate Planning support
Life Coaches
High Conflict Coaches
Career assist - resumes, job applications and interview preparation.
Empower You programmes
Our clients have also reached out and requested that we prepare practical and affordable resources including audio/visual podcasts and webinars which consist of easy to understand, questions and answers to many of the day-to-day issues that they experience, but don’t know how to do. These can be booked and listened to at any time, anywhere by our clients. A transcript is also provided for our paid webinars.
In late 2024, Separation Support Network will release a series of highly practical webinars for all our clients at a very affordable price which can be viewed any time, anywhere as part of our new Separation and Divorce course.
These webinars are not just made up of general information about topics. They are step by step practical guides on how to get through this challenging process to ensure your safety and legal rights.
We have interviewed some of the leading experts on these most sought after topics and hope that you find the content understandable, relatable and invaluable. Please feel free to reach out anytime to suggest additional topics you would like us to add to our webinar library or to add to our course.
What is your cancellation and refund policy?
Given the nature of our support services, last minute cancellations are costly, and it means that other clients may miss out on receiving the required support. For cancellations within 48 hours of the scheduled appointment there is a $65 part fee payment. For less than 24 hours cancellation notice or a non-show, the full session fee will need to be charged. These fees are refunded however if the session can be filled at the last minute. Thank you for your understanding.
Have a question that we haven’t answered? Or just want to chat please book here
Are they gaslighting me?
ARE THEY GASLIGHTING, LOVE BOMBING OR HOOVERING?
“That never happened. Have you taken your meds?”
“You’re crazy. That’s not what happened.”
“I only told you that you were fat because you I would hate you to let yourself go.”
“I never told you that.”
“You’re too sensitive. I was only joking.”
Are you often thinking your mind is playing tricks on you? Are you starting to question your own sanity or losing your memory? If any of the above statements sound familiar, you are likely the victim of gaslighting. It’s an emotional abuse tactic that can leave you unsure about yourself, others, and life in general. If you don’t address it, you can have long-lasting effects, emotionally and physically. Counselling can help you understand what you are experiencing, help you set boundaries and reach a decision about the relationship which feels right for you.
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is an actual, intentional, and serious form of emotional, psychological abuse. It is a psychological manipulation tactic someone uses to control and manipulate a victim by making them doubt their memories, perception of reality and judgments.
It can occur in romantic, platonic and family relationships – or even at work.
Often victims of gaslighting are not even aware that this is happening to them because it has been happening for so long, in a slow, covert fashion.
How Does It Begin?
A relationship with a gas lighter may seem to start out quite well. They may praise you, the victim, on a first date and very quickly confide in you. This is where the manipulation begins since, disclosure, before any real intimacy has been established, results in trust being quickly established. This tactic is known as ‘love bombing’. Once you become fully engaged with the gas lighter, you become vulnerable and then the next phase of manipulation often begins.
COMMON GASLIGHTING TECHNIQUES
Do you recognise any of the following most common gaslighting techniques?
They blatantly lie to you with a straight face. The abuser blatantly and habitually lies to change your reality. Even when you know they are lying, they can convince you otherwise, which in turn makes you start second-guessing yourself. If you call them a liar they turn around and call you a liar or insist they lied for a good reason for example to protect your feelings or theirs.
They attack things important to you. They might criticize your job, make snide comments about you, your family or friends. These remarks are meant to make you feel insecure and inadequate.
They deny their bad behaviour – their lying, hurting your feelings, or doing anything wrong. They insist that you misunderstood them, that you’re remembering things incorrectly, or that you’re making things up to hurt them.
Their actions don’t match their words. They may insist they support you, but always criticise your choices.
They will target your insecurities to make you feel weak about yourself.
They spread rumours and speak poorly about you online or in face to face conversations. They will often portray themselves as the victims to others.
They can’t stand criticism themselves and will take it as a personal attack, no matter how respectfully you complain about their behaviour.
They project on you – for example the abuser is cheating. Instead of admitting to the affair, they’ll accuse you of being unfaithful. You end up having to defend yourself rather than seeing what they’ve been doing to you.
They manipulate your relationships, whether through isolation or through groupthink type behaviours. They will tell you that your family members don’t really love you and claim that they are liars. They may even try to convince everyone around you that you seem emotionally unstable or “crazy.”
They can confuse you with sudden kindness to distract you from their bad behaviour. One minute, they may cut you down and the next, they praise you.
They wear you down until you just give up – you stop arguing or defending yourself since you feel so defeated.
SIGNS YOU ARE A VICTIM OF GASLIGHTING
- You constantly second guess yourself.
- You wonder if you are just overly sensitive or too hormonal.
- You create excuses for the gas lighters behaviour and their actions.
- You stop trusting your own judgement and recollection of events, beliefs, and perspectives.
- You start to wonder if you are losing your memory, regularly confused, or going ‘crazy.’
WHAT IS ”HOOVERING”?
When you try to leave the gas lighting relationship, they may use the ‘hoovering’ tactic which involves excessive praise, expressions of love, showers of compliments and fervent promises of the ways in which they will make positive changes in the relationship. Unfortunately, it does not take long for old habits and behavioural patterns to resurface, once you commit to staying. Their goal is to always keep you locked in to their control.
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO STOP BEING A VICTIM?
If you identify with any of the signs, here are some tips to take back control of your life and your reality:
· You need to stand firm and not let their denials cloud your thinking and actions.
· Remember you are not responsible for someone else’s behaviour. It is not your fault.
· Trust your own judgment and believe in yourself.
· Acknowledge the feelings you are having are real.
· Remind yourself that you deserve to be respected and supported by the people in your life.
· If someone displays a pattern of behaviour, trust the pattern over anything that person says.
· Don’t back down if you believe your criticism is fair, even if the gas lighter won’t change.
· Set clear boundaries to protect yourself and expect them to be respected,
· Document what is occurring so you can help track the reality.
· Ask someone independent, with whom you are close and who you trust, if they think you are being manipulated by the abuser.
· Realise you will never win an argument with this person or get any apology.
· Limit contact with the gas lighter. Consider ending or pulling back from the relationship if you want to, especially if the gas lighter refuses to change their behaviour.
If, despite attempts to move towards a healthier relationship, you still feel blocked in implementing these strategies, then please reach out to our trained team of psychologists and counsellors who can help you plan and strategise to move forward positively. Furthermore, if you feel unsafe because of someone’s controlling behaviour, seek assistance from the police or call 000 if it is an emergency.
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DISCLAIMER: The material contained on this website is for general educational and information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional legal, financial, medical or psychological advice or care. While every care has been taken in the information provided, no legal responsibility or liability is accepted, warranted or implied by the authors or Separation Support Network and any liability is hereby expressly disclaimed. For specific advice please contact us at [email protected]. All information contained on the website remains the intellectual property of Separation Support Network and is for your personal educational use only. The information must not be reproduced or distributed without the express permission of Separation Support Network.
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